She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
