I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
