i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
