When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
