Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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