I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
