Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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