mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
