i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
