McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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