I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
