I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
