If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
