my vag is so smooth its legendary
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
