Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
