So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
