the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
