Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
