I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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