i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
