yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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