I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
