try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
