I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
