He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The adults are the big ones right?
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