so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
