sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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