I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
