U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
