Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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