Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We had to coat check the pizza.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I need water and some morals
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
