You smell like a Billy Joel song
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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