I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
