so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Still dying that you shit outside
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
