I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
