Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
vagina is talking i cant
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
