Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
