yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
