I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
