Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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