Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
