half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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