Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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