Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
