I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
