Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
