how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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