I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
