yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
