My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
