I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
