i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
