you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
