Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
